When Someone's Struggling: Practical Ways to Show Up
I recently found myself staring at my phone, wondering how to support a friend going through a tough time. You know that feeling – wanting to help but not being sure what would actually make a difference? (And let's be honest, sometimes sending another "thinking of you" text feels a bit hollow.)
After supporting friends through losses, new babies, and challenging life transitions, I've learned that practical support often means more than we realize. Today, I want to share some meaningful ways to show up for someone who's struggling.
The Most Important Thing: Show Up Without Expectations
One of the kindest things we can do is reach out without adding any pressure. When you message someone who's going through a hard time, explicitly let them know they don't need to respond. I often write something like: "No need to respond – just want you to know I'm thinking of you and here if you need anything."
This removes the burden of social obligation when they're already overwhelmed.
Set Reminders to Stay Present After the Initial Challenge
Set calendar reminders for check-ins when others might have moved on. The weeks and months after a loss or big life change can feel especially lonely.
Do the Thinking For Them
Instead of putting the onus on them to come up with the answer to "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help," sometimes it's better to just take action, without having the struggling person have to think through what that is and make the ask. Or to offer something very specific like,
"Can I take the kids to the park this afternoon so you can get some space for yourself?" or
"I'm running to the grocery store and I will be picking out at least 5-10 items to drop on your porch later today. Let me know if there are any favorites I should keep an eye out for while I'm there!"
Send practical comfort:
Order a laundry service (I've used Poplin and it's been a game-changer for overwhelmed friends)
Create a family snack box with easy-grab items and drop it on the porch (could be as simple as some cut fruit)
Send cash through an app like Venmo with notes like "Dinner's on me tonight" or "Do something you and [loved one] enjoyed together" if they've recently lost a loved one
Arrange meal delivery, especially for new parents
Think beyond the basics: In the last year I've sent some ornaments personalized with pet photos for those who have lost their furry friends (I get them on Etsy). Sometimes unexpected gestures like Girl Scout Cookies can bring moments of lightness to heavy days. If someone is going to have long hours with time to pass (like a new nursing mom or someone staying in the hospital with someone), a subscription to a weekly magazine to take their mind of things (like US Weekly) might help. I’ve also given this sand thing to friends who had a lot of hospital time ahead of them - it’s really calming and interesting.
Making It Personal
The key is thinking about the specific person and their situation. What would make their daily life a tiny bit easier? What might bring a moment of joy or relief?
One more thing…
If you're feeling overwhelmed with life and work yourself, I've got a handful of free resources for work and home that you might find helpful: www.jessicaeastmanstewart.com/freebies.
About The Author
Jessica Eastman Stewart is a consultant, workshop facilitator, and podcast guest expert. She teaches busy professionals how to get more organized at home and at work so they can stop feeling worn out and start living a Joyfully Managed Life! Thousands of readers drop everything when her weekly newsletter, The Friday Five, arrives in their inbox. Every Friday, you’ll get FIVE amazing tips to help life feel INSTANTLY more joyful and easy!
